macguzzi Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Cool bar sign Liqueur in the front Poker in the rear Link to comment
st. augustine Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 from the back page of november issue of superbike magazine... Q. whats the best way to stop aunts and grandmothers cackling" you're next!" at family weddings? A. Start telling your aunt and grandmothers, " you're next!" at family funerals. In the village of Hurbum, Hertfordshire, Near Tillet, lives Lucy Lykes who owns the Cockwell Inn. Her address is: Lucy Lykes, The Cockwell Inn, Herbum, Tillet, Herts. Though there are another 20 or so entries, the best one was .... In a survey of why men love receiving oral sex, 8% loved the feeling, 6% loved the thrill, but 86% just loved the fucking silence. Link to comment
g.forrest Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 i was really depressed last week! so depressed i was feeling suicidal. so i rang lifeline, my call was diverted to a call centre in pakistan, i told them i was very depressed and suicidal, they became very excited and asked if i could drive a truck or fly a plane. Link to comment
Guzzi2Go Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 A journalist went to interview a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long,long time. - Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, what's your name? - Maury Fishbein - he replied. - Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying? - For about 60 years. - 60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for? - I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man. - How do you feel after doing this for 60 years? - Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall. Link to comment
Turpin Crock Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his mate. So he stabs his mate to death. His wife shouts "That was pretty silly, carry on like that and you'll have no fuckin mates left" Link to comment
tikkanen Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 A leaper failed his driving test. "But why?" he asked his driving instructor. "I did everything perfect!" "No", replied the driving instructor "You left your foot on the clutch......" Link to comment
Guest surveymike Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 A priest and a Rabbi were going camping. The priest says,"Hey, lets bring along a couple of alter boys." The Rabbi asks "What for?" The priest replies"So we can screw them." The Rabbi asks"Screw them out of what?" Link to comment
pasotibbs Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Don't know if this has been posted before, not a joke but a funny video. http://www.lifeinitaly.com/flash/ Link to comment
Dan M Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 'Y'know,' said the Scotsman, 'I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.' 'Well', said the Englishman, 'at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2' 'Ahhhhh, that's nothing', said the Irishman. 'Back home inDublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.' The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true. 'Well,' said the Englishman, 'did this actually happen to you?' 'Not me meself personally....no!', said the Irishman. 'But it did happen to me sister.' Link to comment
Van Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 This from a radio station in Sydney Aus. The DJ's play a game called "MATCH MATE" they call someone at work, ask 3 questions and then call the spouse to see if the 3 match up.....simple right?? DJ.. Ok Brian, here's your 3 questions, you said that you were married, so when did you last have sex? Brian..Sara' going to kill me, but, at about 8 o'clock this morning. DJ..OK, "atta boy Brian!! DJ.. so Brian, how long did it last? Brian.. ummm, about 10 minutes. DJ.. Ok, that must be true, no guy would have said that if they didn't really want the trip prize. DJ..Brian, where did you have sex for 10 minutes this morning at 8 o'clock?? Brian..ahh, well, it wasn't so great, it was on the kitchen table, you see her mom was in the shower at the time so... DJ... WHAT? thats great mate, sounds better than the last 100 times I've had it!! DJ.. Right, now lets call Sara DJ.. Hi Sara? ...and he tells her about the contest etc.etc. DJ.. so Sara, here's your 3 questions, when was the last time you had sex? Sara.. Oh God!.. Brian. ....at about 8'oclock this morning. DJ.. Fantastic, now Sara, how long did it last ? Sara.. 12, maybe 15 minutes.. DJ.. Ok, l'm sure that she's trying to protect his manhood DJ..1 question left, where did you have it? Sara..OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! you didn't tell them that did you?? Brian..just tell him honey DJ.. Sara, whats bothering you so much?? Sara.. well..... DJ.. come on Sara ......where did you have it?? Sara.. 'up the arse.....' seems they had to call a medic for the DJ he laughed so hard they thought he'd have a stroke and there seems to have been a high call out for the traffic cops for minor fender benders right after this was on...... Cheers Van Link to comment
Admin Jaap Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Now that's funny! Thx. Link to comment
Guzzirider Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Husband and wife are shopping in the supermarket when the man picks up a crate of beer and sticks it into the trolley 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife 'They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans', he says 'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man, 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says the man replies... 'SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F *& KING PRICE' Link to comment
Guzzi2Go Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 It's WW #1 and a Brit and an Irishman sit in a trench. Explosions, sickness, dead bodies all over the place. The Brit gets fed up, climbs over the top, erects himself, salutes and says: "I came here to die!!" Irishman, from the bottom of the trench: "So what! I came here yesterday!" Link to comment
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