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Turpin Crock

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Posts posted by Turpin Crock

    Jokes

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    Here are the top 10 winners in the

    International Pun Contest:

     

    1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The

    Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion

    Allowed per passenger."

     

    2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other

    And says... "Dam!"

     

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in

    The craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't

    Have your kayak and heat it too.

     

    4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The

    Other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

     

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a

    Root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

     

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were

    Standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After

    About an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to

    Disperse.

    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I

    Can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

     

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them

    Goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family

    In Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of

    Himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells

    Her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband

    Responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

     

    8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they

    Opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked

    To buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought

    The competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,

    But they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They

    Ignored him. So,

    The rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious

    Thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and

    Trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist

    Friars.

     

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

    Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also

    Ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he

    Suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD,

    it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

     

    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to

    Friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them

    Laugh. No pun in ten did.

    James Blunt has a V11- WTF!

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    I kind of almost bought his OK Bloke act too then I realised that of course he would act that way on a Blokish show.

     

    There is something extreemly irritating going on there and I can't quite put my finger on it.

     

    Like that bit about him going to gigs on a V11 with a guitar on his back. It simply does not ring true.

     

    A guitar will stay on someones back if they are sitting up riding a Harley or the like, not in the V11 riding position. The first corner you went into the guitar would be inside in the front wheel.

     

     

     

    Maybe he is OK and comes across badly because of shyness. But he comes across as False to me.

     

    Maybe I'm just jelous that he's a war hero international skier million record selling babe magnet .

    Whats with the Brits?

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    That is one good example of how the structure of the american system of government is well thought out with democracy the prime objective.

     

    Another one I like is their voting set up where a proposition can be voted on by the public at election time. I don't know any other country with that, maybe there is but I haven't heard of it.

     

    I know that this like most democratic tools can bee hijacked by special interests but then it is the duty of a free press to give the public clear information to make the correct decisions.

     

    The public in the states get the best opportunity to participate in deciding where their country is going than any other country in the world. :nerd:

    Whats with the Brits?

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    It's good to have a "frank excange of views" without the flamethrowers coming out :thumbsup:

     

     

    Blackwater is a perfect example of western democracy holding itself to account.

     

    The free press in the west (sometimes) makes sure that the government does it's job legally ( That is the members of the press not engaged in following Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie around the place :rolleyes: )

     

    If an abuse is being perpetrated by a mid east theocracy or other form of totalitarian regime. It will go on for years or decades without any internal censure.

     

    Put it this way. If you had to be occupied by someone who would you rather it be The US and UK or China

    Whats with the Brits?

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    In a society where self interest and consumerism are the guiding principles it is very difficult for the honourable 'policeman' or politician to flourish. :2c:

     

     

    This is really going to sound like flag waving but what the hell.

     

    The guiding principles in American society are freedom and justice. It isn't perfect, there are many instances both internally and globally where these principles are ignored or missapplied.

     

    But it is the best system that the human race has come up with yet.

     

     

    I agree 100% with everything Steve G. said . We are lucky to live on a planet where the dominant forces are so benign.

     

    That is not to say that they shouldn't be held to account for abuse of power. They should and they are a lot quicker to address these issues themselves than anyone else would be. :oldgit:

    Whats with the Brits?

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    Having lived a good portion of my adult life in the U.S. I find it irritating when Europeans dismiss all americans in one block as war mongering stupid assholes.

     

    There are jackasses everywhere. We all know it. Where ever you live you meet them.

     

    One thing I did notice over there is that generally they are more friendly and courteous. That (suprisingly enough) even includes New York.

     

     

    One question no one has asked though. Why are the Poles the least popular. I haven't noticed anything obnoxious about them.

    Who is going to win the Rugby World cup?

    in Special place for banter and conversation

    Posted

    No way. I have watched it several times and his foot was very clearly in the air when the ball was grounded and his knee was ok. No doubt about that whatsoever- the beauty of recording it on sky plus!

     

     

    You are right his foot was in the air when the ball was grounded but it had hit the chalk before the ball was grounded so he was in touch before he could score a try.

     

    Pity because the breakaway beforehand was 1st class.

     

    The game could have done with it.

     

    What about the two bogus crossing calls????

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