callison Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I love a semi-captive audience. Tag. You're it. One of these days, I'm going to write a book. Here's a probable chapter, just a little bit too late for the recent Christmas holiday. A Christmas Tree Story... It was the second Christmas after we had been married, and the first in northern California where we had moved to after I had departed Uncle Sams Canoe Club, otherwise known as the United States Navy for a new job. We were still only about one third unpacked from the move, the holidays were upon us and we had the In-Laws on an inbound collision course to pay us a visit. Never a promising affair. We hadn't yet gone out and bought a Christmas tree as the In-Laws had phoned us saying they had found the perfect tree. When they arrived - no tree. Where was the tree? "Oh, we all have to go back over to the town where we saw it." Thirty miles away. Crap, another 30 mile trip over the hump to the town where I work. Off we go in the wife's car, six of us crammed into an old Chevy with a bunch of rope to tie the tree to the car. Thiry miles over, buy a nondescript tree off of a lot to please the In-Laws and another thirty miles back home. Everyone sat down in the living room of the miniscule house while I dragged the tree in the door. Well, I don't know if everyone, everywhere uses the same kind of Christmas Tree stand, but in the good old USA, the common one is the ubiquitous green legged apparatus with a red bowl and a silver collar with three screws for centering the tree. I knew we had one too, but I wasn't entirely certain which moving box it was in, so, off I went to the garage while everyone else remained in the house engaged in the usual drivel that passes for communication with the dreaded In-Laws. Crap, there were about forty boxes in the garage full of stuff, things and more odds and ends. In no particular order either, as we had literally thrown everything in the boxes in our haste to move to the new job. Mutter, mutter and curse. Aha, found it! And only in the eleventh box too! Back to the living room and the tree. Under no circumstance could I get the tree to remain upright in the stand. The tree kept falling over - and my language took on a less civil level tone with each failed attempt. There is truth to the phrase "He swears like a sailor." I do, because I was. After about the twenty-third try, I realized that the little silver collar for the stand was missing and so it could never function correctly. I also knew I'd never find that single part in all of those boxes and that the easy route would be to simply purchase a new stand. By this time though, all of my fuses were lit and I was hopping mad. So I took the devilish tree stand and put it in the center of the living room floor, and there, before startled In-Laws, and an appalled pregnant wife, I proceeded to stomp the living shit out of the damn thing!!! I felt much, much better, but the reaction from my audience was one of extreme silence. In an absolutely dead-pan voice, I said "No big deal, I'll go buy another". No comprehension on the part of the In-Laws. How does one go from raving lunatic to dead calm in a heartbeat? Had their precious daughter had married a madman? No. It really wasn't such a big deal, I had merely vented my anger on an inanimate object that I knew was useless and had to be replaced. But there was no way I could convey the appropriateness of my actions to this particular audience, so I left the house to buy a new stand. When I returned, I put up the tree to the stares of a still silent audience. It was the perfect Christmas Tree. It even came with some sort of mite infestation and we all scratched and itched for another two weeks. Yes indeed, the joys of having the In-Laws join you for the holidays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX REDNECK (R.I.P.) Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 And I spent the other day cleaning up . Sorry Carl,Mother In -Law makes me think of things I should do Pay no attention to this , I was just checking out this thumbnail thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlaing Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Do you think we should warn TX' mother in law? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
callison Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 Do you think we should warn TX' mother in law? Warn her that he's been cleaning? Nah, that'd probably just entice her to visit. Tex, WIH is that truck mounted rig for? Armadillo hunting season? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Gee Tex. I'm not sure any of my guns are worthy! Or should I say I'm not sure if any of my in-laws are worthy!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Barrett Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Can you actualy buy that? Do you need to be licenced? Is there any limits RPG, SAM, wired guided anti tank missiles? Currious re cultrual difference Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Didn't you build it Martin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenr Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I remember being in Dallas for a trade show a few years back. I just got in and was trying to avoid crashing out with jetlag - I noticed there was something going on in the center across the parking lot so I thought it would do to keep me awake for a while. Jeez - it turned out to be a gun fair and some of the stuff in there was scary - even more scary seeing guys in bib and braces dragging these things across the parking lot to the truck, with boxes full of ammo !! I swear one guy had something that looked exactly like a rocket launcher, god only knows if it really was. It was about a year ofter Wako, so obviously that didnt have much effect on the right to bear arms.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 It was about a year ofter Wako, so obviously that didnt have much effect on the right to bear arms.... 40121[/snapback] Up here in Canada we are working on legislation for the right to arm bears.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staedtler Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Yes Mom...he said the keys must be somewhere in the back yard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antonio carroccio Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Weapon....such stupid thing. Why did this thread turn into a vulgar argument like this? Sometimes I have my doubt about American’s ideology and some practice of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Hagan Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Weapon....such stupid thing.Why did this thread turn into a vulgar argument like this? Sometimes I have my doubt about American’s ideology and some practice of it. 40162[/snapback] I am (mostly) able to avoid commenting in any thread that starts or morphs into anything approaching the political. Moreover, Antonio, I am a shameless Italophile. That said, seems to me that Italians have little room to criticize weapons generally as they have designed, still make, and, I might add, have--as individuals and a nation--used weapons of all kinds for centuries, including this one. I happen to own a rifle and a handgun (the latter a Beretta, btw), but don't hunt, go to gunshows, or much else with 'em. perhaps if you lived, as I do, in a vulnerable area in the event of civil disorder, you might see the mob as more vulgar than weapons to protect one's family. So, while I prefer to talk Guzzis and care not much for guns (especially of the assault variety in private hands), I think folks who like guns, use them to hunt, other sports, or personal protection are decent folks who are neither stupid nor vulgar. So, viva paracadutisti, bersaglieri, alpini, and other great weapon-carrying Italians. Don't misread this post, as I extend to you warm regards from Atlanta, and wish a fine new year. If Kathi and I get to Italy as we hope this year, maybe I can buy you dinner and let you argue with me on this and such other subjects as you choose. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Jaap Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Inlaws... reminds me of a joke I heard on the TV: A young married couple from the USA visited Israel with her mother. During a day trip the mother suddenly died of a heart attack. Her son-in-law contacted the American embassy and asked what to do. The person at the embassy said: "You can do 2 things, bury her in Israel, costs you $ 150,-, or take her back to the US and bury her there, costs $ 5000,-" He immediately answered to have her body flown back to the USA. When the embassy person stated that this was a very generous thing to do for his mother-in-law, he answered:"It's a fact that in Israel at one time there was someone who rose from the dead after 3 days and I just want to make sure that doesn't happen!" Discussions on gun laws offboard please... <_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antonio carroccio Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 If Kathi and I get to Italy as we hope this year, maybe I can buy you dinner and let you argue with me on this and such other subjects as you choose. Bill 40168[/snapback] Bill, I wish you great holidays in Italy. It will be a little difficult to meet me there. That’s because I live in Holland. You can meet my parents if you want. They are in Milano. My father use to have an old Ducati sport. I think 180 sport. Not anymore anyway. But, if you come to Europe, you can visit Amsterdam as well, don’t you? Ciao, Antonio p.s. I understand what you mean about self-defence and protection and stuff like that but we can drop this argument right now right here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Hagan Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Bill, I wish you great holidays in Italy. It will be a little difficult to meet me there. That’s because I live in Holland. You can meet my parents if you want. They are in Milano.My father use to have an old Ducati sport. I think 180 sport. Not anymore anyway. But, if you come to Europe, you can visit Amsterdam as well, don’t you? Ciao, Antonio p.s. I understand what you mean about self-defence and protection and stuff like that but we can drop this argument right now right here. 40171[/snapback] Dropped. We can still buy you dinner if we get to Holland; if not, your folks might like a night out, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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