TX REDNECK (R.I.P.) Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I just think it's a ridiculous waste of money that could otherwise be better spent. Pete Like maybe on a rubber chicken ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete roper Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Like maybe on a rubber chicken ? 59205[/snapback] Watch it Tex! I've got a special dispensation for that chicken!!!! Pete Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nogbad Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 P3RS0N4L PL8S R 4 CH4V5. AH 1 C. E553X! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete roper Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 P3RS0N4L PL8S R 4 CH4V5. AH 1 C. E553X! 59208[/snapback] Q.What do Essex girls use for protection during sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest redguzziv10 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain? Gifted! What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells? Pregnant Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together! What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They've never met Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane? She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much Why is a Essex girl like a turtle? They both get #@$&@#@ up when they're on their back What's a Essex girl's favourite nursery rhyme? Hump-me Dump-me What's the difference between a Essex girl and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once Why don't Essex girls eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar Why don't Essex girls eat bananas? They can't find the zipper or They cant find the pull tab -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why don't Essex girls use vibrators? They chip their teeth What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl? "I said: I'm drunk!" Why do Essex girls drive BMWs? Because they can spell it How do you change a Essex girl's mind? Blow in her ear or Buy her another drink What do Essex girls do with their arseholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work What's the first thing a Essex girl does in the morning? Walks home Why is a Essex girl like a door knob? Because everybody gets a turn Why is a Essex girl like railway lines? Because she's been laid all over the country What important question does a Essex girl ask her man before having sex? Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? What do you do when an Essex girl throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill? Because it kept falling out What happens when an Essex girl gets Alzheimer's disease? Her IQ goes up! What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche? You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend What is the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball? You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do a bowling ball and an Essex girl have in common? Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter Why is a washing machine better than an Essex girl? Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week What do Essex girls and cow-pats have in common? They both get easier to pick-up with age What does an Essex girl and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up What do Essex girls and spaghetti have in common? They both wriggle when you eat them What do you call an Essex girl with a bag of sugar on her head? Sweet @#!#$# All... How do you drown an Essex girl? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool How many Essex girls does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. or Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit What do you get when you offer an Essex girl a penny for her thoughts? Change What do you get when you cross an Essex girl and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do How do you amuse an Essex girl for 5 hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper Why do Essex girls have legs? To get between the bedroom and the kitchen What's the difference between an Essex girl having her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you see when you look into a Essex girl's eyes? The back of her head Why do Essex girls drive VW's? Because they can't spell PORSCHE! How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Monday mornings? Tell them a joke on Friday night! What did the Essex girl do when she got her period? Looked around for the bastard that must have knifed her Why are Essex girls like cornflakes? Because they're simple, easy and they taste good How does an Essex girl hold her liquor? By the ears What do you call an Essex girl skeleton in the closet? Last year's hide and seek champ What's the difference between an Essex girl track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? One's a bunch a cunning runts What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Suez Canal? One's a busy ditch What is the difference between an Essex girl and a toilet? A toilet won't follow you around after you use it What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and an Essex girl? The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The Essex girl says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a dumb Essex girl behind a steering wheel? An air bag Why did the Essex girl tattoo her postcode on her stomach? So her male would get delivered to the right box How can you tell when an Essex girls dating? By the buckle print on her forehead What is the Essex girl's chronic speech impediment? She can't say "No" What do you call an Essex girl in a university? A visitor Why did the Essex girl cross the road? Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!? What does an Essex girl say after multiple orgasms? Well done team! Why does a Essex girls bra say T.G.I.F? Tits Go In First Why do Essex girls have vaginas? So guys will talk to them at parties What does an Essex girl answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there." What do you call an Essex girl without an asshole? Divorced What's the difference between an Essex girl and rubbish? Rubbish gets taken out at least once a week What do you call a bunch of Essex girls with yeast infections? A wine and cheese party! What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain? Gifted! Did you hear about the Essex girl that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got home and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia... What do you call an Essex mother-in-law? An air bag -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you plant dope? Bury an Essex girl How do you get a one-armed Essex girl out of a tree? Wave to her How does an Essex girl get pregnant? And I thought Essex girls were dumb! What do you call an Essex girl with ESP and PMS? A know-it-all bitch What's the difference between a chorus line of Essex girls and a magician? A magician has a cunning array of stunts What does an Essex girl think an innuendo is? An Italian suppository Why don't an Essex girls guts fall out of her twat when she stands? Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place Why was the Essex girl wearing her sunglasses? She was having sunny periods How can you tell when an Essex girl is wearing pantyhose? When she farts, her knees bag How is an Essex girl like a frying pan? You have to get them hot before you put in the meat How do you confuse an Essex girl? You don't. They're born that way How did the Essex girl burn her nose? Bobbing for french fries What's the difference between a pit bull and an Essex girl with PMS? Lipstick -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do Essex girls have little holes all over their faces? From eating with forks Why don't Essex girls make good pharmacists? They can't get the bottle into the typewriter What do Essex girls do after they comb their hair? They pull up their panties How do you tell when a Essex girl reaches orgasm? She drops her nail-file! or She says, "Next" or The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder or The batteries have run out What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A divorcee What does an Essex girl owl say? What, what? What is the definition of gross ignorance? 144 Essex girls What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb Essex girl nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine? They both drip when they're #@$&@#@ What's a Essex girl's idea of safe sex? Locking the car door Did you hear about the Essex girl who tried to blow up her husband's car? She burned her lips on the tailpipe Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Essex girl, and a smart Essex girl are walking down the street when they spot a £10 note. Who picks it up? The dumb Essex girl! Because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Essex girl and a Scots girl were talking one day. The Scots girl said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The Essex girl asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Essex girl was walking down the street with a pig under her arm. A passer-by asks "Where did you get that?" The pig replies, "I won her in a raffle!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Essex girl goes into the chemists and to the deodorant display and says to the assistant "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" enquires the assistant. "No," replies the Essex girl, "The kind for under his arms." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with an Essex girl he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk but before drinking it, he realises his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the Essex girl walked in and said, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Will Do! A Welsh girl goes into a porno shop. She asks, "How much are the dildos?" The reply is "£10 for the black one, £10 for the white one." "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman enters and asks "How much for the black dildo?" "£10" comes the reply "How much for the white one?" "£10 for the white one." "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later an Essex girl enters and asks, "How much are your dildos?" "£10 for the white, £10 for the black." "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" "Well, that's a very special dildo..." comes the answer "It'll cost you £45" She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for £45!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Green Up! A builder was speaking with a woman about her decorating job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose colour. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of Essex girls laying turf across the road". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Confucius say; Essex girl who fly upside down have crack up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Essex girl Medical Terminology Anally - Occurring yearly Artery - Study of paintings Bacteria - Back door of cafeteria Caesarean section - District of Rome Cat scan - Searching for kitty Cauterise - Made eye contact with her Colic - Sheep dog Coma - A punctuation mark Congenital - Friendly Diarrhoea - Journal of daily events Dilate - To live long Enema - Not a friend Fester - Quicker Fibula - A small lie Genital - Non-Jewish Grippe - Suitcase -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hangnail - Coathook Impotent - Distinguished, well known Intense pain - Torture whilst camping Labour pain - Got hurt at work Medical staff - Doctor's cane Morbid - Higher offer Nitrate - Twice the day rate Node - Was aware of Outpatient - Person who had fainted Pap smear - Fatherhood test Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis Post operative - Royal Mail worker Protein - Favouring young people Rectum - Damn near killed 'em Recovery room - place to do upholstery Rheumatic - Amorous Secretion - Hiding anything Seizure - Roman emperor Serology - Study of knighthood Tablet - Small pill Terminal illness - Sickness at airport Tibia - Country in North Africa Tumour - an extra pair Urine - Opposite of you're out Varicose - Located nearby Vein - Conceited -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does a Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. What is the difference between a Essex girl and a bowling ball? You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. You could eat a bowling ball if you had to. You can't fit a Essex girl inside a bowling ball. How are a Essex girl and a bowling ball alike? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they always come back for more. What is the difference between Essex girls and hookers? Essex girls cost less per score What is the difference between a Essex girl and an elephant? About 40 lbs. How do you equalize the two? Feed the elephant. What's the difference between a Essex girl and the Titanic? Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top of Page -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell if a Essex girl has achieved orgasm? She drops her nail file. What do you get when you cross a Essex girl with an ape? Don't know. There is only so much an ape can be forced to do... Why is a Essex girl like a door knob? 'Cause everyone gets a turn. Did you hear about the new Essex girl doll? You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand. What's the difference between Essex girls and garbage? Garbage gets taken out once a week What do you call 100 Essex girls sun-bathing on a beach in Cuba? Bay of Pigs What is the difference between a Essex girl and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest goffredo Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I love it, the Post Title is For members in england only and one Brit replies, followed an Aussie, a Canuck, and a Yank. 59190[/snapback] HE HE! So here some comments by an Italian When I lived in UK I made my Italian Number Plate following the local design (black letters on yellow). And my number plate was: AS5 19** Following accurate instructions of my workmates we decided it was appropriate to have a tiny writing: "kiss my lilywhite" just above AS5.... I think it's great to have the chance to personalize your numberplate: if one does not want it, nobody forces them. Cheers, G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Nothing wrong with wanking! Checkout this windows media player file of a guy ringing a bell at a football game. 59188[/snapback] He was wanking so hard he scored 14 points !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 quote=pete roper,Sep 2 2005, 11:18 AM] Q.What do Essex girls use for protection during sex? Dunno but I reckon this is what she looks like! Where did this thread start again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 By the way Pete. My plate has been with me for 12 years and 4 bikes. It is a non descript jumble of numbers and one letter. It spent 4 years on a dirt bike and is quite battered. Twice I have been threatened with fines or it being almost unreadable. I will replace it when they waive the 25 dollar fee for another plate. I'd rather pay the fine. My guess is you would have a similar plate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX REDNECK (R.I.P.) Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Speaking of bike tags, I have a couple of Tx bike tags that I would like to trade for any other state or country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I might have some BC crap if they are not being used for stolen vehicles. I'll have a look and PM you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antonio carroccio Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Q.What do Essex girls use for protection during sex? 59213[/snapback] dunno, but that sturdy stuff that your oul' Gran used didn't work too well, else you couldn't be posting here The picture of oul granny's stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nogbad Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Hope I didn't offend or upset old Red! I was only joking with the PL8 C0MM3NT5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Hope I didn't offend or upset old Red! I was only joking with the PL8 C0MM3NT5 59265[/snapback] If you didn't, you have now. OLD! Red Watch out. You've seen what he can do to a jar of mustard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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