John in Leeds
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Posts posted by John in Leeds
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Have a look at this amazing recovery system - the Swedes are astonishing!
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Bastard's good. Loved the soundtrack, too. I wish Band of Horses would move back to Seattle.
Wonderful soundtrack and superb film production. The whole thing is a treat
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Finally Scotland has something to be proud of
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Yes, I do produce a plate .....
I can certainly provide one but I would ask you to consider long and hard whether you need one. Is your bike displaying any symptoms of needing a plate?
Pete
Fair play to you
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F..... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time..'
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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They advertised it as being online- I watched it on Eurosport!
watched it on 'red button' channel free view 301 7.00 pm - Great ride Casey
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The Australian Way ?
This is the message that the Maroochydore High School, Queensland staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. (I'm told)
This is the actual answering machine message for the school.
It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message was as follows:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
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If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.
They were all good though
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Chinese sick leave:
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss John says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'
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New Zealand and Landrover Sheep Joke
A guy with land near Auckland buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should
try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
'Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'but they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
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Aye Yorkshire's ok but a very poor second best to Scotland!!
You might like to take on the Tykes at
looks like a good sport to me.Look forward to your comments
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Reading through this thread I could not fail to be amazed by your analytical dissection of this perennial sensor problem. No stone appears to be unturned in the quest for perfection. There is however one area that has not had due consideration - the real nature of current flow in a circuit. I feel qualified to comment on this as the frustrated owner of many British motorcycles using Lucas components.
Negative ground systems as used by the V11 depends upon proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (like, say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak" and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British motorcycles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.
I know that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers and hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tyres leak air, and the British defence establishment leaks secrets... so, naturally, British electrics leak smoke.
This does not mean we should not remember basic principals in this quest.From the basic concept of electrical transmission of energy in the form of smoke, a better understanding of the mysteries of electrical components - - even those on the V11 - - is gained by the casual user.
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MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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From Pennine Guzzi
Yorkshire girls are best?
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.
Terry had married a woman from America and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.
Eddie had married a woman from Australia and bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day was better, and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.
The third man said that he had married a Yorkshire girl… He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener!
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Oh go on then...one more...
Subject: Tools and how to use them!
That is going on the wall, wonderful
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Products for REAL MEN only
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I really don't mind political discussions or other off-topic inflamatory stuff, but 99% of the times it ends up in personal attacks and childish name calling. That I really don't like! So if a moderator or myself closes a thread is mostly a pre-emptive strike.
Just try to keep it civil. This board is much too valuable for me to see it end up like so many other boards...
Thanks.
Thanks Ferguzzi, for putting my sentiments in words!
Well I think I will finally blot my copybook by having a go at the moderator.
It’s no use Jaap piously ringing your hands when this is happening in your garden. Your guidelines have clearly been breached yet you have let the children squabble on. Todd is bang on, shut it down or lock it for the delight or otherwise of future readers.
Nowhere have I complained about being asked to eat a bowl of DlCK. You are all aware of what my beef is.
The acid test for me will be when redneck sees what I consider to be the best witticism (although in appalling taste) seen on this board in many a year Richard100t’s this thread on post #27. Far from being no laughing matter it would be (if his friends are right) in his best traditions of irreverence and bad taste.
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Case in point. A few years ago, after closing on a rainy Saturday, we are sitting around the shop having a root beer or 2.
Our phone number had been erroneously listed someplace as a contact for Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
Had been receiving numerous calls from people looking to rent cars, etc. It had become a considerable annoyance.
Phone rings, I look over, it's line 2. Sure to be a call for Enterprise.
I ask Tx to pick up the phone and tell them they have a wrong number.
Tx: Enterprise, Kirk here.
Caller: I need to rent a car.
Tx: We ain't got no cars, you should call Hertz
Caller: Do you have a phone number for Hertz?
TX: I work for Enterprise, why the hell would I have a phone number for Hertz?
Caller: I want to talk to your manager.
Tx: I am the manager.
Caller: What's your problem, top of penis :-)?
Tx: top of penis :-)? You think I'm the top of penis :-)? Well, top of penis :-), I have a car, so it sounds to me like you have the problem.
Caller: Maybe I should come down there and kick your ass.
Tx: Great, come on down. Oh wait, you don;t have a car. Can you pick up some beer on the way? We are just about out.
I'd pay money to know how that shook out at Enterprise Corporate HQ.
Now THAT is funny!
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Sad and lonely? Yes. Also scared and fearful at facing the ultimate demise. But also resolute. He is looking death square in the face.
I hope you or I never face such a fate.
Sanctimonious twaddle! Back from Hollywood death bed scene, both you and I will face such a fate as will most people here. Over the last couple of years I have lost too many friends and family, some of whom bought unfailing good humour and senseless acts of kindness to people around them. Only one died quickly (though in great pain). The others died in great distress, ashamed of their inability to get to their normal toilet and under occasionally ineffective pain control. Not one of them winged about the way they had been treated in the past or about the hand life had dealt them.
txredneck…..shit happens.
Please get over whatever hard-on you have for Jim and show some human compassion.What is it about the apologists for txredneck and redneck himself for that matter that must always refer to some form of DlCK? Hard, soft, or just ‘ave it. Maybe there are some head doctors out there that can shine some light or is it one of the things that we probably shouldn’t know?
Compassion – from the short time I have read posts from txredneck (usually pulled by some over sensitive moderator
) there can be one thing that is clear, compassion was not in his vocabulary (viz Menezes on this thread). It is really hard to sit back and read the sanctifying plaudits when in print the man was continually racist, homophobic, bigoted and usually engaged in personal attacks (as judged by the moderators).In my humble experience people like redneck can dish it out, encouraged by those who can only feel good seeing the discomfort of others, but they just can’t take it. When caught out they wine about how they have had a bad time, things are not going right, it is all the fault of their mothers/ fathers, nobody loves them yada yada yada. Really decent people take the knocks, apologise to those they have caused hurt and get on with it.
I include below the post from redneck on Illuminati Guzzisti for those who have not read it. For some this is a cry from the heart of a brave man facing his demise, for me it could be from the pen of Walt Disney and I would hope I have the good sense not to bother.
I think many here have misread Jim/Tx.Those of us who know him understand that he derives pleasure, perhaps perverse in a way, from pushing peoples' buttons.
He is an ace at this task. It is a marvel to see in person.
I don’t think so. What decent person derives pleasure from the unjust denigration of others? Oh, and ‘it’s marvellous to see in person’. How sick is that?
He'd call it fertilizer. And laugh about it. I wonder if J in L would do the same with a Genuine Road Apple?I'm sorely tempted.
What did Tx do to you to raise such vitriol, dlaing?
So now you are tempted to send me horse shit through the post. Really? Really? Nah, you’re just sayin’ that, you can’t really be that thick. Just get on with your life, look after your friend and be KIND to people.
And Dave thanks, I understand but I’m a big boy now and can look after myself.
from illuminati guzzistiTxredneck or The White Devil
if your lucky enough to get a advance warning that one knows that the end is near .
I've been blessed in that I can make the decision to end it all or wait for the inevitable . Not a option I want to consider , especially if your wife could care less how you checkout .
She's going through menopause & says & does so many hateful and painful things that the hurt from that is taking its toll also . I've done everything that she ever wanted , cars , rings , cash , heart & soul you name it ? Nothing is ever good enough, but I lived a life of the same thing since my father was in prison until I was 12. So my mother beat me verbally & physically all my life & now my wife has taken too the same thing . My feelings have taken a beating that I just can't ignore anymore
After 25 yrs of marriage I just don't have the time or strength to go on .
This is not a cry for help ! I'm terminal & have known it for sometime . I've chosen to make the time & place my choice ( as is family tradition ).
I only wished I had enough time to make that ride with Todd .
You guys here have been the friends that I never had in real life as I was always a loner. And for that I'm thankful .
There's alway a couple of exceptions . Todd & Mike are those . I couldn't have ever found a bunch of better friends anywhere .
Don't anyone go calling 911 . As I said this not a rash decision . There's a couple things that I need to wrap up first .
Anyway , just so no one wonders what happened . I thought I 'd fill in the blanks .
I hope that I have made you guys laugh a few times over the years.
I hope to see you all on the other side.
Wishing you guys nothing but Blue Skies & Sunshine wherever go .
Btw this was was a song that spoke to me. I used to have Takin' the long way Home on the back of my rig .
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And the 300 miles on my car from yesterday attest to what the man means to me.
There will be many more.
Sad and lonely? Yes. Also scared and fearful at facing the ultimate demise. But also resolute. He is looking death square in the face.
I hope you or I never face such a fate.
Please get over whatever hard-on you have for Jim and show some human compassion.
It might look good on you.
If you can't, perhaps you could simply shut your pie-hole and let this issue pass.
Good for you a friend when really needed. Compassion for everyone yes?
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WTF are you talking about ? I never heard of this wetback, I even googled it
Are you talking about that messkin that was jumping turnstiles in the subway ? If so shit happens. If someone has a gun and is telling me to stop , I'm either gonna shoot back or listen to what they're saying. Either way I guess he had it coming
Not content with propogating the lie that J C Menezes jumped turnstiles and refused police instructions. He also supports the 7 bullets without warning into the head of an innocent man.
Such a funny man.Seems that friends of this sad and lonely man should make the effort and join him in his hour of need. Just remember you can't do that when he's gone. Turning up at a funeral does not match support in hard times when alive.
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I've applied .
Really, I have.
time for Jude's sister to step up to the plate and mind Val and my kids are grown up or on the cusp. I'd do it.
Pete
Chances dont come that often and they sound like good people - go for it.
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Lots of things in life come down to attitude don't they!
Yep!
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For special occasions Dalwhinnie or Metaxa 7 star.
Otherwise any Timothy Tailors that's fresh and rough heavy reds from the south of France, Pyrenees like Corbiere or some Spanish Riojas.
One put down for my taste in wine came from a lady saying she 'would never drink cheap wine' my reply 'you certainly do but you just pay lot for it'.
Thank heaven everyone has different tastes 'Vive le Difference'
I love the unusual but this?
in Special place for banter and conversation
Posted
Have you seen one in action Steve?
How effective has it proven to be?