belfastguzzi Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 I laughed when I got to the Italian one: > SOCIALISM > You have 2 cows. > You give one to your neighbour. > > > COMMUNISM > You have 2 cows. > The State takes both and gives you some milk. > > FASCISM > You have 2 cows. > The State takes both and sells you some milk. > > > NAZISM > You have 2 cows. > The State takes both and shoots you. > > BUREAUCRATISM (eg. Brussels) > You have 2 cows. > The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the > milk away. > > > TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM > You have two cows. > You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd > multiplies, and the economy grows. > You sell them and retire on the income. > > > SURREALISM > You have two giraffes. > The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. > > > AN AMERICAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. > Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. > > > ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. > You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of > credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, Then execute > debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all > four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of > the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island > Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights > to all seven cows back to your listed company. > The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on > one more. > You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving > you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. > The public then buys your bull. > > > A FRENCH CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want > three cows. > > > A JAPANESE CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and > produce twenty times the milk. > You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market > it worldwide. > > A GERMAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and > milk themselves. > > > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have > lunch. > > > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You count them and learn you have five cows. > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. > You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. > You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. > > > A SWISS CORPORATION > You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners > for storing them. > > > A CHINESE CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You have 300 people milking them. > You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. > You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. > > > A BRITISH CORPORATION > You have two cows. > Both are mad. > > > AN IRAQI CORPORATION > Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. > No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your > country. > You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. > > > AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > Business seems pretty good. > You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. > > > A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION > You have two cows. > The one on the left looks very attractive. > > > AN INDIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You worship them. Link to comment
Bogwopit Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Thanks Belfast, thats the funniest thing I,ve read for ages.Tears are streaming down my face. I think I,ll invest in a cow instead of another V11;come to think of it I should have bought several instead of a new Griso 8V. Andy Roo. p.s. overnight ferry is booked from Liverpool on the Thursday 27th. What time will everyone be arriving at the hostel? Link to comment
belfastguzzi Posted April 30, 2010 Author Share Posted April 30, 2010 p.s. overnight ferry is booked from Liverpool on the Thursday 27th. What time will everyone be arriving at the hostel? I'll have to do some updates. Sorry there hasn't been as much info as there was last year. Get back to you soon. Link to comment
fotoguzzi Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 My friend Teddy has these instead of a garage full of 2 wheelers. they are Charolais (sp?) from France. Link to comment
Guzzi2Go Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 My friend Teddy has these instead of a garage full of 2 wheelers. they are Charolais (sp?) from France. You should post that in the "Hooters" topic... Link to comment
John in Leeds Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Brilliant, Quite Brilliant! Link to comment
ponti_33609 Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 There a couple of additions and variations on this version of "Two Cows" Moo, Moo... DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Many are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. 1 Link to comment
Dan M Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 AN ITALIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have > lunch. I nearly spit my coffee out when I got to this one. Link to comment
Bjor Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 NORWEGIAN CORPORATION Your were certain you had two cows before it started snowing, but where the f%¤#k are they now??! Spring is slow this year... Link to comment
antonio carroccio Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 An Italian way "la Dolce Vita" BTW, a couriosity: in this movie as borne the word "Paparazzi" Link to comment
68C Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 BREXIT REFERENDUM We have two cows, should we keep both of them? We have a referendum, neither the Keep nor the Sell parties present any reasoned arguements or hard facts. The referendum result is so close to a draw that we would not recognise the result from a third world country. The winning Sell party still do not give any firm facts or even discuss what will happen to the cows. The Keep party continue to feed both cows and obstruct all negotiations. The two cows continue to live together. Link to comment
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