dlaing Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Important Announcement The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "K". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling Kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Nein, such Korrupt speaking-pollution doesn't mak me smaile et alle. However, after refining some of that swill through delicate translation machines, the purified result does make me smile, slightly. The last few sentences, in Proper German: Und efter CCU fifz mehr mehr yer, VE vil Aluminium speking Deutsche wie zey vunted in die CCU Waldwinkel des Drosselventilhebels. Wenn zis WAD es smil, Vorwände pas auf Tonne oza pepl. And in Proper English: And efter CCU fifz more more yer, VE vil aluminum speking Germans like zey vunted in CCU forest angles of the throttle lever. If zis WAD it smil, pretexts pas on ton oza pepl. or, as there seems to be some dispute about the correct contextualisation of Drosselventilhebels: And efter CCU fifz more more more yer, VE vil aluminum speking Germans like zey vunted into the CCU forest angles of the butterfly valve lever. If zis WAD it smil, pretexts pas on ton oza pepl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antonio carroccio Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 what? 83055[/snapback] Waldwinkel des Drosselventilhebels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guzzirider Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Der Affe ist im Baum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Der Affe ist im Baum 83077[/snapback] Der affe ist im Bau M dubya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Jaap Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 For you ze wor iz over, maain froind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
callison Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Your Text, Dialectized (redneck) Impo'tant Announcement Th' European Commisshun has jest announced an agreement wharby English will be th' official language of th' European Union rather than German, which was t'other postibility. As part of th' negotiashuns, th' British Govment cornceded thet English spellin' had some room fo' improvement an' has accepped a 5- year phase-in plan thet'd become known as "Euro-English". In th' fust year, "s" will replace th' sof' "c". Sertainly, this hyar will make th' sivil servants jump wif joy. Th' hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "K". This hyar sh'd klear up konfoozion, an' keyboards kan have one less letter. Thar will be growin' publik inthusiasm in th' sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced wif "f". This hyar will make wo'ds like fotograf 20% sho'ter. In th' 3rd year, publik akseppanse of th' noo spellin' Kan be expekted to retch th' stage whar! Fry mah hide! mo'e komplikated changes is postible. Govments will inkourage th' removal of double letters which have allus ben a deterent t'akurate spelin'. Also, al wil agre thet the ho'ibl mes of th' silent "e" in th' languag is disgrasful an' it sh'd hoof it away. By th' 4th yer varmints wil be reseppiv t'steps sech as replasin' "th" wif "z" an' "w" wif "v". Durin' ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd fum vo'ds kontainin' "ou" an' af'er ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl, ah reckon. Zer vil be no mo' trubl o' difikultis an' evrivun vil find it ezi tu unnerstan' ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und ef'er ze fifz yer, ve vil al be spekin' German like zey vunted in ze fo'st plas. Eff'n zis mad as a weasel in a blender yo' smil, pleas pas on t'oza pepl, ah reckon. Just refer to: The Dialectizer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike wilson Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Glupia dziewcinki. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V11UK Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 For you ze wor iz over, maain froind! 83098[/snapback] Jaap - we haven't to mention the ..... I think you mentioned it once but got away with it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Important lingo for Erin Rally visitors, especially Scottish / Yorkshire ones. Kiss me, I'm Irish! Is Éireannach mé, ‘dom póg! [is Air- an- ack may, do pogue] Sure you'll have one for the road! Ná himigh go n-ólaimid deoch an dorais! [Na himie gu knowl-am-widge juchk an dor-ish] It's your round! Tá babhta deochanna agat orainn! [Ta bow-ta juchk-anna agat oreene ] It can't be my round, I'm Scottish! Tá dul amú ort, is Albanach mé! [Ta dul amoo ort, iss Alab-anac may!] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I quite enjoy Swedish chef myself! Impurtunt Unnuooncement Zee Ioorupeun Cummeessiun hes joost unnuoonced un egreement vhereby Ingleesh veell be-a zee ooffffeeciel lungooege-a ooff zee Ioorupeun Uneeun rezeer thun Germun, vheech ves zee oozeer pusseebility. Bork bork bork! Es pert ooff zee neguteeeshuns, zee Breetish Gufernment cunceded thet Ingleesh spelleeng hed sume-a ruum fur imprufement und hes eccepted a 5- yeer phese-a-in plun thet vuoold becume-a knoon es "Iooru-Ingleesh". In zee furst yeer, "s" veell replece-a zee sufft "c". Serteeenly, thees veell meke-a zee seefil serfunts joomp veet juy. Bork bork bork! Zee herd "c" veell be-a drupped in fefuoor ooff "K". Thees shuoold kleer up kunffooseeun, und keybuerds kun hefe-a oone-a less letter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Zeere-a veell be-a grooeeng poobleek inthooseeesm in zee sekund yeer vhee zee truooblesume-a "ph" veell be-a repleced veet "f". Thees veell meke-a vurds leeke-a futugreff 20% shurter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! In zee 3rd yeer, poobleek ekseptunse-a ooff zee noo spelleeng Kun be-a ixpekted tu reech zee stege-a vhere-a! mure-a kumpleeketed chunges ere-a pusseeble-a. Gufernments veell inkuoorege-a zee remufel ooff duooble-a letters vheech hefe-a elveys bee a deterent tu ekoorete-a speleeng. Elsu, el veel egre-a thet zee hureebl mes ooff zee seelent "i" in zee lungooeg is deesgresffool und it shuoold gu evey. Bork bork bork! By zee 4t yer peuple-a veel be-a resepteef tu steps sooch es repleseeng "t" veet "z" und "v" veet "f". Dooreeng ze-a feeffz yer, ze-a unesesery "oo" kun be-a drupd frum furds kunteeening "oooo" und effter zeez feeffz yer, fe-a feel hef a reeel sensee bl reetee styl. Zer feel be-a nu mur troobl oor deeffikooltis und ifreefoon feel feend it izee too understund ich ooza. Ze-a drem ooff a uneeted urup feel feeneli koom tru. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Und iffter ze-a feeffz yer, fe-a feel el be-a spekeeng Germun leeke-a zey foonted in ze-a furst ples. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Iff zees med yuoo smeel, plees pes oon tu ooza pepl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tikkanen Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I thought bird flu was the latest pandemic (world wide epidemic) but cabin fever is now taking over, me think......... Søren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I quite enjoy Swedish chef myself! 83192[/snapback] Ah yes. The Swedish Chef translator. That takes me back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helicopterjim R.I.P. Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Ah yes. The Swedish Chef translator. That takes me back. 83213[/snapback] Bork! Bork! Bork! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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